Confusing Contradictions

     Does everyone face such confusing contradictions in their emotions as I experience?
     Let me explain what I mean. Recently we were blessed with the use of a car for about 2 and 1/2 months. The car was new and had no mechanical issues and we had no expense connected to it, the owner was going to be out of the country and just didn't need it and God had impressed on their heart to leave it for my enjoyment! (That's my Abba, blessing me in surprising ways!) Anyway, I knew the time was getting close to when we would need to give the car back to the owner and I was prepared for that, I thought I was at least, but then unexpectedly the owner returned and needed their car about 2 weeks earlier than we had expected.
     It was a shock to me and I found I didn't want to give the car back! I also thought this showed how much we needed a second car! I struggled through the emotions of not wanting to turn loose of the car and giving it back to the rightful owner and after much prayer was able to take my tight grasp of the keys away long enough to give them back!
     Now I have been without a car for a week and I am experiencing such a wonderful peace! I am not sure why the car removed peace from me, because I did enjoy having the flexibility of having a car to drive if I wanted to run an errand or even just to get out of the house for a while. Maybe the car brought extra pressure into my life? Or maybe it was an illusion of independence? Now I am back to being more dependent and therefore more in tune with the leadings of God? (I"m not saying that having a car causes us to not be in tune with God, I'm just curious why I have more peace when I don't have a car!)
     I just know that now that I am more housebound I have a level of peace that I did not experience while I had the car available for my pleasure. So there you go, when I was first told it was time to give the car back, I actually cried because I wasn't prepared to let it go! And now here I am enjoying a new level of peace because the car is gone! But I am also recognizing a new level of dependence on Abba, my heavenly Father, Who has promised to provide for my needs. I am experiencing Psalm 23 in a real-life way.



The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake. Psalm 23:1-3 
but I like the Message version here also~

God, my shepherd!
I don’t need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction. Psalm 23:1-3 

     He provided a car when I needed one, and I did really need it, I made several important trips that I would not have been able to make otherwise. And now He has placed me by a quiet pool to be restored. (Our apartment is perfect for someone like me who is not a good "apartment" dweller". When I look out of our deck windows I see a beautiful lake and a forest surrounding it, it is a beautiful backyard to be restored by.)
     Thank You Lord for Your provision, You know what I need more than I can know myself. Thank You for "making" me lie down in green pastures! Thank You for making sure that I catch my breath! and especially~ Thank You for being my Shepherd!